Rikkaidai Therapy
by SugarTensai
Summary: Let's do some group bonding everyone! And what better way to do it than with THERAPY? Oh, also because if anyone wants an early death, no one disobeys Yukimura! My first story on this site... now that I think about it...this summary doesn't make any sense...and yes, the beggining is boring, but give it a chance!
1. Sanada's Breakdown

A/N:My first story people! WOOT! Sorry for the super short first chapter... And a really big pet peeve of mine are long author's notes,so I'll end this right HERE.

Disclaimer: We toe-dally know that PoT belongs to me. Nah,just kidding.

Begin.

Sanada was angry··· He was very angry···His eyebrow twitched···

Once···

Twice···

Niou was running from Marui, who was screaming like a little girl. This was because Niou had stolen his regular's uniform and replaced it with a lovely floral dress. Yanagi and Jackal were of no help whatsoever, both staring at Yanagi's data intently. Akaya was coloring innocently in his coloring book, taking a sip of milk occasionally from his pink plastic Barbie water bottle. Yaguu was reading, and Yukimura, was chuckling happily as he killed a small animal.

Three times···

"TARUNDORUUUUUU!" And Sanada promptly lost it. The regulars all stared as Sanada giggled and skipped over to innocent Akaya, and began giving him The Talk. Akaya's poor, innocent mind went blank and he broke down.

"Hey, brattling!" Niou poked him.

"I think he broke···" So the regulars continued to stare at the giggling Sanada and the broken Akaya.

"They need therapy···like, really." Said Jackal. And Yukimura smiled his I'm-Like-So-Pretty-So-Like-Worship-Me-Or-Like-Die smile and said

"We're going to therapy everyone! HAPPY DAY!" Yes, he said that because HE CAN.

"Wait··· are we going TOO?" asked Yaguu just because he wanted to.

"Oh, do you have A CHOICE?" Of course Yukimura didn't say that, BUT HE MEANT IT.

"AAUUUGGGHHHHH!" screamed Akaya, and threw himself at Yukimura. "MU-MURA-BOUCHOOUUUU!" Wailed Akaya, "IT WAS HORRIBLE···"

"What did Genchiro say?"

"Th-tha···that···MY PRINCESS PLUM CAKES FAIRY PLUSHIE···WILL BE STOLEN BY DORA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo o..."As Akaya broke into uncontrollable sobs, Yukimura patted his head and gave him a smiley face sticker.

"All better Akaya?" Akaya's eyes lit up like his fake Barbie cell phones that he bought from Disney.

"THANKS MURA-BOCHOU!"

"So we're going to therapy along with Gen because as teamates, we have to support him···AND OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T GO, I'LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. CLEAR?"

"Ye-yes. Of course buchou!" Exclaimed everyone, except Yukimura, because if he answered his OWN question··· that would just be silly wouldn't it?


	2. Where Jackal Gets a Lot of Lines

Disclaimer: Do you guys really think I own PoT? If you do, I'm flattered.

A/N: Second chapter up! YEA! Probably not a lot of people read my story though. I'm new and stuff··· so how about a review to boost my spirits! Eh?

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Note: Sanada has recovered, but they're still going on with the therapy to cure Sanada's temper, and for the sake of the story! Jackal has surprisingly many lines...

"In we go!" Chuckled Yukimura as he shoved Jackal in.

"Why me?" Wailed Jackal pitifully.

"Because you're not popular, a non important character in the manga and anime, bald, and boring," Chorused the regulars together.

"Wow. That's all I can say. Wow."

"Those are cute last words." With that, the Rikkai regulars walked away. Jackal just stared.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_SCENECHANGESCENECHANGESCENECHANGESCENECHANGESCENEC HANGESCENECHANGE_

"Hello sir, how may I help you?" Asked the nice, creepy, smiling lady behind the counter.

"W-we have a therapy session." Said Jackal, slightly freaked out by the nice, creepy, smiling lady behind the counter.

"Do you mean only you?" Asked the nice, creepy, smiling lady behind the counter.

"I'm with friends."

"Where are they?"

"I dunno?"

"You need therapy."

"What? NO! I'm here to confirm our reservation. Like, only me. 'Cause they ditched me..." Said Jackal rather sullenly.

"Alright, please take a seat then." So Jackal took a seat. DUH. An old lady looked at Jackal with interest.

"OH MY! LADIES, LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE! IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!"

"Wait, what?" Asked Jackal as various old ladies grinned creepy, toothless, prune faced smiles. "WAIT, WHAT?" Shrieked Jackal slightly panicked. "WAIT, NOOOOGFSHPGH···" As Jackal was smothered under oversized prunes.

_ELSEWHEREELSEWHEREELSEWHEREELSEWHEREELSEWHEREELSEW HEREELSEWHEREELSEWHERE_

"You know, I suddenly felt a shiver down my back···"

"Don't mind it Marui." Said Yukimura happily. "Eat your ice cream."

"WILL DO!"

"90.3 percent chance that Jackal is being attacked by old ladies right now, and is suffering from permanent brain scarring." Said Renji, as he swallowed his plain vanilla ice cream. At this, the regulars began to chuckle warmly at the thought of Jackal being attacked by old ladies while suffering from permanent brain scarring. Such nice teammates.

"Ne, Mura-buchou, why can't I have the coffee latte flavored ice cream?" Whined Kirihara as he crossed his arms childishly.

"Because...if you eat it, you'll turn into a girl!" Exclaimed Yukimura happily, not having the heart to tell Kirihara that he would turn instead into a big, annoying butt who was high on sugar.

"Oh my," exclaimed Kirihara. "Ma-Marui-senpai! You're gonna turn into a girl! I can see the boobs growing already!"

"No, Kirihara. Said Yukimura paitiently."although Marui does indeed have the Coffe Latte flavor,, it will not work on him. You know why?"

"WHY, WHY, WHY!" Screamed Kirihara.

"Because he's already a girl." Kirihara was like:

"?" and then. "!"

And MARUI WAS ALL LIKE:

"0_o" and he spat out his ice cream.

"WTF! I am SO nawt a girl! Like, would a GIRL care about their hair? HMM?" And everyone was like, "yes"

"EMAGUD! You guys are like, SO mean!" Marui huffily stomped out the door. "And I am NAWT a girl. UH-KAY?" Everyone was like, "uh-kay..."

" I think I saw Marui-senpai's boobs jiggling..." Whined Kirihara.

"He's gonna need a ."

"Wassa bra Niou-senpai?"

"It's something tha-MPTH!"

"Eat your ice cream Niou." Said Yukimura.

"That's his spoon... and you just shoved it down his throat..." Yaguu said meekly.

"I know."

"..."

"Gen-chan, you haven't said anything in this chapter. You ok?"

"This isn't needed Seiichi, and you know it. Why are you doing this?"

"Think of it this way. You get to learn to control your temper in a professional manner. It's also a great way for team bonding, and I get entertained!"

"Mura-buchou is so COOL!" said Kirihara, sparkling eyes and all.

*cough*

"Yes, Yaguu?"

"Time's up. We better go to therapy."

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Reviews, concrit, and flames are all welcomed with open arms! And because I seriously hate long Author's Notes, in a nutshell, REVIEW.


	3. THERAPY, BEGIN!

Disclaimer: Yes, I own PoT, and make a lot of money from it every year.-wakes up- Awww···

A/N: People are so cold nowadays...

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After a long search for Marui, (they found him in the vegetable section of Walmart don't ask why) it was time for the fated therapy session to begin. No one could have anticipated the illogical horror of what awaited. And Yanagi fainted.

"GASP!" Gasped/said: Marui and Kirihara."JACKIE'S GOT FANGIRLS!" And they proceeded to run around in circles like completes idiots, chanting, "JACKIE'S GOT FANGIRLS! JACKIE'S GOT FANGIRLS!"

"Ne, Niou-senpai, JACKIE'S GOT FANGIRLS!" Squealed Kirihara, tugging at Niou's shirt. Niou twitched and pushed Kirihara away. "NIOU-SENPAI!" Whined Rikkai's baby brat, "LOOK!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm looking, now stop bothering me brattling." With that, Niou flicked Kirihara's forehead, and walked away in some random direction.

"GASP! YOU KILLED MY BRAIN!" Screamed Kirihara, as he rushed to his mommy er··· Yukimura-buchou.

"There, there Akaya, Niou will suffer for it later." Said Yukimura as he petted Kirihara's head affectionately, while giving Niou his YOU-WILL-SUFFER-LATER-BIOTCH smile. And Niou just gaped. This was SO not fair! Then his brain melted into a pile of goo and he died. Metaphorically of course. DUH. And then, you know what? The therapist's door opened. YAAAYS. And we can all read what the story was supposed to be about, (you know, RikkaiDai therapy and all) and just stop dragging the whole thing out, and yeah.

"OH NOES!" Cried the Rikkai regulars, slapping their hands to their cheeks. Yes, even Yukimura and Sanada and Renji did it. IT WAS THAT BAD. Just then, Kirihara and Marui decided to start running in circles like retards screaming, "I DON WANNA GO TO THE DOCTER! AUGH! A DOCTER A DAY KEEPS THE APPLE AWAY!"

"No, no it's: An APPLE a day keeps the DOCTER away." Corrected Marui, then continued running in circles like a retard with Kirihara. From under the pile of prunes-er···fangirls? Jackal said feebly:

"Help··· they smell like old cabbage···"

"Poor him···" muttered Yaguu, just standing there and watching Jackal suffer.

"Are you people coming in or what?" Asked the therapist, who was an old man with a white beard and a big, round tummy that jiggled like jelly. NO KIDS, NOT SANTA CLAUSE.

"SANTA CLAUSE!" Screamed Kirihara and Marui, then started running at the therapist with their arms outstretched. Apparently, their IQ's are equivalent to infants.

"AUUGGHHH!" Screamed the therapist. (Well, you would scream too if two teenage kids came running at you right?)

(Insert large scuffle scene, involving pulling Kirihara and Marui off Santa-er···Mr. Therapist and Jackal and everything going in finally because the authoress is to lazy to write the )

_THERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYT HERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPY_

"You're not Santa Clause?" sniffled Kirihara sadly.

"No...I'm sorry kid, but I'm not Santa..." Muttered the ex-Santa. "Um..just making sure...you guys were the ones who signed up for group therapy right?"

"Yes, we are." Answered Sanada, taking in the sight of his teammates. Marui and Akaya were rocking on their feet moaning something about Santa, Jackal was still hyperventilating, Niou and Yaguu were looking at the still fainted Renji. And OF COURSE Yukimura was just laughing at his teamates pain. LOL!

"Since you are the first group therapy session we've ever had, we'll play a few games to introduce your selves to me okay...?" asked the therapist warily as he studied the regulars. At this, ALL the regulars minus Yukimura dropped down on their knees, shaking their fists at the heavens.

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Hmm...I don't even know what to think about this chapter...And I don't even know if people are reading this crap anymore...So new rule!

IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, I GOTTA GET AT LEAST 3 REVIEWS TO CONTINUE THE STORY. That's nawt a lot is it? Hmmm... to make this easier, the more reviews I get, ( at LEAST three people! Review more if you want!) the faster I'll update and the longer the chapters will be. Deal? Flames, concrit, and suggestions/ideas will be welcome!


	4. Role Playing

**A/N:** Only got the bare minimum of reviews...meh. Schools starting and I might not review as much, so here you go people. :p OH YEA, on mangareader they just released a whole bunch of new translations for N.P.O.T. GO CHECK IT OUT!

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own

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"Alright, who would like to go first?"

"..."

"Anyone?"

"..."

"It's simple! Just a role playing game! Akane here gives you a scene and you explain what you would do-"

"..."

"Look, it's just a perso-"

"Yeah, yeah, we KNOW-"Niou practically screamed, cutting Mr. Santa off,

"But we don't really WANT TO." Finished Marui. Yukimura just smiled as he happily sacrificed a teammate, pushing Jackal forward. Jackal inwardly screamed and threw a temper tantrum. But instead he just stood there like the wuss he was. Kirihara looked at Yukimura with the sparklies in his eyes.

"Mura-buchou?"

"Yes, Akaya?"

"Shouldn't ladies go first?"

Niou fought back a snicker, while Marui shot Kirihara a horrified glance.

"Ah, yes. Marui. If you would."

"I AM NOT A GIRL!"

"Now, now...don't be shy..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shrieked Marui like the girl he/she was. A dog in the waiting room peed on Jackal's foot in fear.

"Why's Marui-senpai screaming?" Asked an oblivious Akaya.

"She's on her monthly, so do be careful around her...females can have mood swings you know..."

"Oh. For a minute, I thought she didn't want to go to therapy!" laughed Kirihara gaily.

"Now, don't be silly···" murmured Yukimura.

_THERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPYT HERAPYTHERAPYTHERAPY_

"Hello. My name is Akane. Pleased to meet you...?"

"Marui. Marui Bunta."

"Ah..ball-of-fat-san? I-I mean..Sorry!"

"Why"...muttered Marui unhappily.. "Must everyone hate me so...WHY?!" Akane stared uneasily at the overgrown, male (or was it female) baby sobbing in front of her.

"Um. Are...you okay..?

"If you buy me a cake, yes." Sniffled Marui.

Choosing to ignore that statement, (good job Akane) the therapist smiled through gritted teeth, saying, "Now let's begin the role playing.."

"Fine."

"You are confronted by a man. He asks for money. He seems to be holding a knife. What do you do"? Marui thought. He thought hard. He ALMOST used his non-existent brain. NEW RECORD! Finally, he had an answer. But knowing Marui, it's most likely crazy.

" I got it. I will protect myself."

"Interesting...how"? Asked the therapist, scribbling on a form.

" I won't give the guy my money." The therapist stopped and stared at Marui.

"What"?

"Here, I'll explain this to you the non-genius way, because not everyone is blessed with genius genes, sorry! First, if I have money, it is most likely to buy cake. And cake=life. Basic logic people. (And here the therapist is thinking, WTF!) So, therefore, the money I currently have holds my life. Genius, eh?"

"Um, sure, genius. Ha ha." Muttered Akane, looking at Marui with a slightly terrified look while writing 'mentally unbalanced'

Marui came out all proud, while the therapist looked like she died a little.

"97 percent chance that Bunta almost used his non-existent brain..." murmured Yanagi, who had now awoken. Niou whistled in appreciation.

"Good job, Marui! You broke your record!" Exclaimed Niou, slapping Marui on the back. Marui giggled like a girl and started skipping away in some random direction.

"Whoa... we haven't even started therapy yet...but... Marui almost used his non-existent brain?" Whispered Jackal to Yaguu in awe. " This thing works wonders..." Yaguu was rendered speechless in awed silence.

"Um..." said the therapist, glancing around uneasily at the 'crazy kids', as she had dubbed them. Then deciding not to attract too much attention to herself in a desperate grab for her own sanity, she decided to play it safe and playing Eeney-Meeney-Miney-Moe with the regulars, finger landing on Jackal at the 'Moe'. _Thank god_. She thought. _At least he looks sane._ How wrong she was. "You there, no you! May you please come to take the personality test?"

At this, a large scuffle commenced, with Yukimura latching onto Jackal, smiling menacingly, while shoving him forward. Jackal began to fruitlessly plead," No! Please! No!"  
Then Marui and Kirihara fell on their knees, before the therapist, chanting, "Please accept the sacrifice, oh great god..."

The therapist got a little freaked out and slammed the door in Jackal's face.

Poor Jackal.

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**A/N:** Well, review people. Remember, at least 3 more reviews for an update! More reviews=faster+ longer chapters! :D And boy, does Jackal seem to be getting a lot of attention in this story…Well, tell me in a review who should I do next after Jackal! And no, I have nothing against Marui. It's just so fun to poke at him!

**Sneek peek at the next chapter….:**

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"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH DO YOU?" Sobbed Jackal uncontrollably. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! NO ONE!"

The therapist twitched.

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE ME?! IS IT BECAUSE IM BLACK? HUH? OR BECAUSE I'M BALD? ITS BECAUSE OF MY HAIR ISN'T IT? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE SOMETHING. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAIR DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!" Jackal ranted on, pausing to wipe his runny nose on his sleeve.


	5. Jackal and His Bald Head

**A/N:** Sorry, sorry, sorry! I planned to update this like, 3 weeks ago, but...I was working on other stories. I'm the kind of person who will start a new chapter story when I'm in the middle of 2. But I didn't do that. I was busy writing one-shots and posting them. For those who follow my whereabouts on this site, you should know that there is a pattern to my posts. EVERY weekend I will either post a new story or update a chapter. EVERY WEEKEND. You can basically be guaranteed on that, unless, like, I go out of town or something. So yeah, been posting a bunch of stories. I'LL UPDATE FASTER, I PROMISE.

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With the help of Kirihara's red-eyed mode, they mowed down the door and kind of blew fat old Santa off his feet, crashing into the ceiling. But, like, no one gave a damn about him, instead crowding around Kirihara, who had gotten a big, bad, Boo-boo.

"What's wrong?" Asked Yukimura, EVER so kindly.

"I got a boo-boo..." Whimpered Kirihara, sniffling and sticking out a finger with a splinter in it.

"It's alright. I'll make Jackal pay."

"WHAT DI I EVER DO?" Screamed Jackal from a random place.

"Go to therapy." Was Yukimura's only reply. Jackal being the smart boy he is, knew that resisting was futile and would only result in his death.

* * *

Akane was a reasonable woman.

She had worked in Therapy for over 10 years.

NEVER, had she a customer she couldn't cure.

Until now.

Looking at her assistant's head in the ceiling, and the crowd of insane teenage boys crowding around a insane eighth grader, bawling his eyes out. With dog pee on the floor.

But Akane decided to try and ignore all that and just get on with her job. Therefore, Jackal had to go to therapy.

"You will have a different game than Marui-san."

"Sure?"

"The question is, 'what would you want most in the world'?"

"Isn't it obvious? Hair." Jackal replied in a 'DUH' tone.

"Excuse me?" Asked the therapist, not getting why Jackal so desperately wanted hair. Jackal rolled his eyes at this.

"Like, seriously! Look at my head. LOOK!" Jackal cried in anguish, clutching his bald head. The therapist peered uneasily at the hairless head.

"So... you want hair."

"Uh-huh." Jackal replied.

"May I ask... How badly do you want it?"

"Whatever it would take."

"Even..killing someone?"

"Uh-huh." Jackal nodded once more, like there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with killing someone for their hair.

"Has very...Violent tendencies." The therapist scribbled down, suddenly regretting to be a therapist.

Jackal, being the curious little boy he is, peered over Akane's shoulder and saw her writing. Immediately, he broke down, not understanding how wanting to kill someone means you have violent tendencies.

Really, he couldn't.

So Jackal threw a temper tantrum, right there.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH DO YOU?" Sobbed Jackal uncontrollably. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! NO ONE!"

The therapist twitched.

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE ME?! IS IT BECAUSE I'M BLACK? HUH? OR BECAUSE I'M BALD? ITS BECAUSE OF MY HAIR ISN'T IT? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE SOMETHING. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAIR DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!" Jackal ranted on, pausing to wipe his runny nose on his sleeve.

The therapist eventually calmed Jackal down by giving him a lollipop.

Jackal was so glad that someone FINALLY understood him(as if) and his want for hair. The therapist just wanted to quit now and go get a coffee. With some aspirins to go with it. But she couldn't.

As Jackal was sucking his thumb and lollipop, and the therapist was deep in thought, Yaguu walked in.

He snatched Jackal half-eaten lollipop and chucked it in the trash can that was decorated with a nice, paisley, pattern.

Jackal just stared wide-eyed at his poor, poor, lollipop and started sniffling. Slowly, it turned into a quiet sobbing, and the sound rose higher and higher, until it turned into a full-out wailing, one that rivaled a Kirihara tantrum.

Akane's jaw dropped in disbelief.

Just then, Yaguu popped his head in the doorway, straightened his tie, and cleared his throat.

"Let me explain. Our captain, Yukimura, was feeling sadistic, and seeing a perfect chance, he ordered me to throw away Jackal's lollipop." And Yaguu walked away once more.

Akane's brain cells died. What kind of monster children...things..was she stuck with? More like spawns of the devil.

Jackal had already cried a puddle on the floor. The room was a disaster. There was dog pee on the floor. And she was trapped with crazy people.

* * *

"There is a 90 percent chance that the therapist thinks we are crazy people." Stated Yanagi, matter-of-factly.

Yaguu became discouraged at this point. Because, you see, you can't con people into thinking you're a gentleman if they thought you were crazy. He so badly wanted to change that fact, so he decided to be brave and volunteer for the next session. He was a gentleman, after all.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh, forgot to mention, there was an author, in2madness, who replied to one of my reviews. I'm not sure if you're supposed to do that...I'm sorry to everyone who expected me to. I honestly didn't know. But then again... some people don't reply to reviews...Could someone please tell me whether to reply or not?

**Rant time:** PEOPLE, I HAVE STATED IN ONE OF MY OTHER STORIES. FLAME ME. OR GIVE ME CONCRIT. Call me weird, but it seems like EVERY SINGLE AUTHOR has been flamed or givin concrit to before. I feel left out. Also, I could really improve my writing. PLEASE, PLEASE, SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING A BIT MEAN FOR ONCE. For any of my


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